A Sensible Rejoinder to the Gun Control Debate

I’ve tried to be nice about this.

For the last few months, I’ve been regularly getting in conversations with advocates of gun ownership and listening to the points they make. This is because the last thing I want to do is jump all over a political group when every man and his dog is doing the same thing.

But I’ve finally had enough.

Let me help you to understand something:

I don’t give a fuck about your gun “rights”. In fact, I think you’re debasing the word “right” by using it in that context. You don’t have a right to food, clothing, shelter or healthcare, but you have the right to a gun? Fuck off.

Let me also say that even if I did think the second amendment to your (not my) constitution says what you claim it does, I wouldn’t give a fuck about that either. And I certainly wouldn’t give it capital letters, because it’s an amendment to a document, not a proper noun. Do you capitalise your footnotes?

I think I should also make the point that you claiming to be the last bulwark against tyranny is the most masturbatory self-aggrandising bollocks I’ve ever heard come out of the American right-wing, and that’s saying something. That’s before we get into you comparing Gabrielle Giffords to Hitler or saying that, if only the Jews had more guns, the Holocaust could have been avoided.

Finally, you should know that, for a group of largely male UFC fans and former marines owning weapons that could kill me instantly, you don’t half sound like a rabble of whining, entitled, insecure, frightened little wankstains. That Charlton Heston quote might have sounded good out of Charlton Heston, but when it slurs out from between your baseball cap and beer gut onto a computer screen, it DOES NOT make you look like a bastion of freedom: it makes you look like a fat, stupid cunt who wishes he was still allowed to go and lynch some niggers.

And as completely unfair as that sounds, that’s what it makes you look like. I’m sorry, but it does.

Same with people who use that Voltaire quote. There is nothing more likely to make you sound like someone completely up their own arse by claiming you will die to defend my right to say something you don’t agree with. I’m calling your bluff on that one: put your money where your mouth is and fucking die already, you twat. 

I quite understand that this rant only serves to make me look like I’ve lost my temper and will do little if anything to persuade my opposite numbers in the discussion. But, then again: fuck you. Fuck you, you self-righteous lying coward bastards.

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Laurence Thompson

Laurence Thompson is an English writer. He is almost certainly drunk.

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