“Ray Davies looks like fucking Orville on smack.”

I’m not one for quoting myself, but I was informed that I was in fine fettle after a few wines and whiskys during the closing ceremony of the London Olympics. In actual fact, looking through a list a friend collated, I think I completely lost it. Social networking comments made during the celebrations:

“This is completely terrible.”

“Madness, Pet Shop Boys and now [One Direction,] something someone somewhere assumed kids liked. This was definitely put together by middle aged divorcees.”

“Ray Davies looks like fucking Orville on smack.”

“Fuck especially the malignancy known as Boris Johnson.”

“[My fantasy ceremony] has Dr Feelgood drunkenly dousing Joan of Arc in alcohol-charged piss and setting her alight.”

“There is not a band called Elbow. We have not run out of band names yet.”

“George Michael looks like David Brent on chemotherapy.”

“Nick Hodgson: a reasonable replacement for Keith Moon, apparently.”

“It’s an obscene fascist spectacle.”

“These days Annie Lennox just reminds me of this Half Man Half Biscuit track:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IxR0JY-FMh8

In fact, let’s sack this shit off and all listen to Half Man Half Biscuit.”

“I have no opinion on this section except that I know, on some level, that it is shite.”

“I think it’s because the “artists” look like they’re having a good time because of each other, and everyone else looks like they’re being forced into having a good time. Art is not about having a good time.”

“Hate to break it to you mate but Keith Moon died in 1978. All that’s left is an aged paedophile and his support group.”

“The only thing that could possibly make me wish the Spice Girls were still playing: Oasis.”

” I described this as a fascist spectacle before and it’s only become more so with the [Freddie] Mercury thing. Shades of North Koreans being forced to worship Kim Il-Sung after his death.”

“Jessie J implicity giving Brian May awkward oral pleasure was likewise exceedingly creepy.”

“Townsend’s not doing too badly, but that’s because he’s playing Pre-Teenage Wasteland.”

“I know I’m being overdramatic. I know I am, I really do. But this has gone beyond an awful piece of television. It feels like the end of the Weimar Republic.”

“It’s so depressing even this chandeleir I fashioned out of Mark Speight’s ribcage couldn’t cheer me up.”

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Laurence Thompson

Laurence Thompson is an English writer. He is almost certainly drunk.

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