How I Became A Conservative

Lately, I’ve found a rather curious shift in my reading habits, from the alternative and progressive to the steadfast and traditional. It’s probably not enough of a change to justify the rather sensational headline, but it’s nevertheless somewhat surprising to me.

Typically, if I’m drawn to “classics” (of the English lit class variety, I mean, not necessarily Classic in the Greco-Roman sense) it’s to those books that had to wait a little longer than most for an audience that, when it arrived, never arrived in the numbers deserved, and looked like the sort of people you’d cross the road to avoid anyway. From contemporary authors, I tend in the direction of the Geoff Dyers and Lydia Davises rather than the Haruki Murakamis and the George Saunderses. And, if those distinctions seem slight (certainly Murakami would seem peculiar enough for most) allow me to posit the more extreme contrast of the 3:AM Magazine alumni of Blake Butler, Adelle Stripe and Ben Myers against the more salable literary mainstays of Michael Chabon, Jonathan Franzen and Yann Martel – the former I read with tempered pleasure whilst the latter, for all their talent, leave me cold in their established bourgeois temperament.

This is the Will Self vs Hilary Mantel debate the Booker judges had to wrestle with writ small, though it goes back much further than that. In recent criticism, it most eloquently crystallized (can it really be?) five years ago in Zadie Smith’s excellent essay on the contrasting virtues of the experimental Tom McCarthy and the lyrical realist Joseph O’Neill. Two paths for the novel, indeed, and two paths for one’s taste.

Remainder

Ironically, these tastes blend more frequently than those of us of a more decadent persuasion would care to admit. The trajectory of the writing of Smith, who argues in the above essay for the newness of McCarthy over the “19th century” features that typify O’Neill, is that of a bourgeois stylist increasingly seeking the authenticity of the experimental crowd. Self, more so, is a public school boy and Oxbridge graduate who mired himself in drugs and De Sade to appear more “real”; one of the many reasons he’s mocked by the likes of genuinely “out there” novelists such as Stewart Home. And McCarthy, himself one of the underground writers first championed by aforementioned bequeather of indie respectability 3:AM Magazine, has risen above his classmates to the very event horizon of middle class recognition.

McCarthy is, of course, himself middle class. Which, of course, makes a nonsense of class distinctions being in any way a judge of literary genuineness (though, if we on the left were being honest with ourselves, we’d see that Marx was – on this, at least – wrong, and that almost any culture of any lasting value produced in the last two centuries has been born from the middle). Nor is drug use any reliable indicator that what we have on our hands is any more real than anything else; surprisingly few people want to hear that Jack Kerouac was a conservative who latterly hung out with William F. Buckley more than William S. Burroughs. For that matter, even Burroughs appeared in Nike commercials and patronised the Murdoch presses.

Nike

Perhaps it’s for this reason that I’m not so ashamed to have lately (and probably temporarily) traded my Georg Trakl for my Kipling or my Jean Ray for my Joseph Conrad. I found myself unusually sympathetic to Kipling especially whilst reading the comments beneath a Guardian article reporting the discovery of fifty to date unseen poems by the man. Though it’s ludicrous to try to remove the imperialist pandering from the poetry, it’s likewise ridiculous to thus decry Kipling as some squalid little jester at the Raj court. Both are hermeneutically undesirable because it is occasionally exactly that meditating over empire that gives Kipling his poetic power. Grown men of any political persuasion would find it difficult to recite Recessional, say, in its entirety – it has a tendency to stick in the mouth and throat as the human fails before the genius. I know of no more brutal stanza in English than this:

If, drunk with sight of power, we loose
Wild tongues that have not Thee in awe—
Such boastings as the Gentiles use,
Or lesser breeds without the Law—
Lord God of Hosts, be with us yet,
Lest we forget—lest we forget!

Here we almost have Kipling in a nutshell. “Lower breeds” won’t vacate conscience’s craw. But it’s exactly that phrase that is why I say Kipling is meditative: “lower breeds” does not refer to the subaltern, but to the colonial hegemony of other, and at the time more cruel, European powers such as the German and Belgian varieties. Which is not at all to excuse the wording, but my contention is that it doesn’t require excusing any more than Achilles’ subjugation of Briseis does. A postcolonial or feminist analysis of a pre-postcolonial or pre-feminist work can bear worthy fruit and tell us much about literature’s role in society and vice versa, but it does not strike at the aesthetic heart where Kipling reigns supreme.

Lest we forget – lest we forget! That Kipling’s metre sings of power and blood and steel without ever seeming protofascist in the manner of a Bismarck speech is one of literature’s greatest feats. It’s precisely this poetic dynamism that makes the depiction of Kipling as a warm and friendly writer of children’s parables a more curious and damaging one than that of him as a contemptible witness for the Occidental prosecution. If I had my way, the Just So stories would be consigned to the pits of history and the Jungle Book remembered only for the jazzy Disney songs.

I’d like to write more, but I’m sometimes contrary of this blog seeming more a poetry one than a literature one. So we turn to the prose of Conrad, whose Nostromo currently holds my attention in a vice.

Conrad’s position within imperial history is a more ambivalent one than Kipling: his most famous work, Heart of Darkness, is perhaps the primer text for postcolonial studies, but on the other hand he also penned works with titles like The Nigger of the ‘Narcissus’Nigger is, by the by, an astonishing piece of writing and so transitional and important in the context of Conrad’s oeuvre. Since I have Nostromo to hand, however, I will use that to prove the point that being politically and aesthetically just are very far apart.

The impious adventurers gave no other sign. The sailors, the Indian, and the stolen burro were never seen again. As to the mozo, a Sulaco man – his wife paid for some Masses, and the poor four-footed beast, being without sin, had been probably permitted to die; but the two gringos, spectral and alive, are believed to be dwelling to this day amongst the rocks, under the fatal spell of their success. Their souls cannot tear themselves away from their bodies mounting guard over the discovered treasure. They are now rich and hungry and thirsty – a strange theory of tenacious gringo ghosts suffering in their starved and parched flesh of defiant heretics, where a Christian would have repented and been released.

Conrad, like Nabokov, came to the English language from without. Though this seems on the face of it a disadvantage, it is my suspicion that these men turned it on its head. Whereas a native speaker learns the tongue by virtue of a child’s mind picking up repeated sounds, Conrad learns English first as one might listen to music, a smart adult mind learning the rhythms. The sentence construction here is magnificent for this. Note how the letter “m” forms the baseline for “As to the mozo, a Sulaco man – his wife paid for some Masses.” Or, for that matter, the brilliant symmetry in the rest of that sentence, how “poor” rhymes with “four” but “four” goes so alliteratively well with “footed” that it’s difficult to imagine a different phrasing. In the sentence we also have “man” and “wife”, and a constant interplay between life (“alive”) and money (“paid”, “success” as well as the general context of purloined goods) and religion (“Masses”, “sin”, “spell”) and death (“die”, “spectral”, “fatal”), between humans (“man”, “wife”, “gringos“,) and nature (“beast”, “rocks”). Excavate it enough and Conrad contains multitudes of a cosmic manner.

Conrad is too conscious of his rhythm to write anything like “they’re rich, but hungry and thirsty too.” No; it’s “They are now rich and hungry and thirsty”. And beyond the beckoning of the alliterative “gringo ghosts” (another juxtaposition of life and death) we find that a Christian “would have renounced and been released.” You might need to read that aloud to yourself to find why nothing else will fit: “would have renounced and been released.” In fact, if we put the two “r”s aside for a second and focus more on the ends of words, we discover the repetition of renounced’s “ced” in released’s “sed”.

Were all of these choices made consciously? Probably no more so than my periodic attractions to them. They’re there, nevertheless. And the truth of it is that the 19th century Conrad, for all he might seem on the surface fusty compared to some counter-culture icon like Bukowski or a cutting edge Oulipo artist like Harry Mathews, was admired and held as an influence by the modernists, the biggest piece of literary experimentation of the century following. Precisely why we must not let our personal or political temperaments always dictate or drive our reading habits, or why we must sometimes remove the ethics from our aesthetics in order to hone them better.

A Sensible Rejoinder to the Gun Control Debate

I’ve tried to be nice about this.

For the last few months, I’ve been regularly getting in conversations with advocates of gun ownership and listening to the points they make. This is because the last thing I want to do is jump all over a political group when every man and his dog is doing the same thing.

But I’ve finally had enough.

Let me help you to understand something:

I don’t give a fuck about your gun “rights”. In fact, I think you’re debasing the word “right” by using it in that context. You don’t have a right to food, clothing, shelter or healthcare, but you have the right to a gun? Fuck off.

Let me also say that even if I did think the second amendment to your (not my) constitution says what you claim it does, I wouldn’t give a fuck about that either. And I certainly wouldn’t give it capital letters, because it’s an amendment to a document, not a proper noun. Do you capitalise your footnotes?

I think I should also make the point that you claiming to be the last bulwark against tyranny is the most masturbatory self-aggrandising bollocks I’ve ever heard come out of the American right-wing, and that’s saying something. That’s before we get into you comparing Gabrielle Giffords to Hitler or saying that, if only the Jews had more guns, the Holocaust could have been avoided.

Finally, you should know that, for a group of largely male UFC fans and former marines owning weapons that could kill me instantly, you don’t half sound like a rabble of whining, entitled, insecure, frightened little wankstains. That Charlton Heston quote might have sounded good out of Charlton Heston, but when it slurs out from between your baseball cap and beer gut onto a computer screen, it DOES NOT make you look like a bastion of freedom: it makes you look like a fat, stupid cunt who wishes he was still allowed to go and lynch some niggers.

And as completely unfair as that sounds, that’s what it makes you look like. I’m sorry, but it does.

Same with people who use that Voltaire quote. There is nothing more likely to make you sound like someone completely up their own arse by claiming you will die to defend my right to say something you don’t agree with. I’m calling your bluff on that one: put your money where your mouth is and fucking die already, you twat. 

I quite understand that this rant only serves to make me look like I’ve lost my temper and will do little if anything to persuade my opposite numbers in the discussion. But, then again: fuck you. Fuck you, you self-righteous lying coward bastards.

Fractals

Image

The front cover to Fractals, the sequel to Quentin Quark and the Cult of the Singularity. About a series of interconnected sub-realities that resulted when Jane Larkin, one of the protagonists of the first book, suffered a severe mental collapse. Each one was a sort of riff on different characters from pulp, comics, sf etc.

- The Space Vagrant was a Doctor Who-type character who worked in tandem with D’jinz-El Ah Rhakin, the Maitreya (Buddha) of the Future.

- Jarko Lane was a Black Mask-style hardboiled detective. On drugs.

- The Morrigan was a female Batman/The Shadow archetype, the twist being that she had several alter egos who could call the Morrigan, a transpersonal memetic entity or egregore, into their minds at any time.

- Emily Skylark was basically Emma Peel from The Avengers, whom with her debonair sleuthing partner, John Plantagenet-Bois, was given licence to kill unauthorised time travelers by the British Government’s Ministry of Anachronisms.

This is all why I don’t really take drugs any more.

My secret life as Doctor Curt Vile

Quentin Quark

I sort of fucking love this. Click on the image to create your own pulp sf cover

Quentin Quark and the Cult of the Singularity was the first novel I wrote, about five years ago now under the pseudonym of Doctor Curt Vile (I went by “Dr Vile” as soon as Kurt Vile and the Violators began to appear regularly on my music horizons, before abandoning it altogether). It was a 60,000 word pulp story about the future and overcoming the end of the world.

(Actually, saying that it was my first novel is not entirely true. When I was eight years old, I wrote and illustrated The Giraffe from Mars, a piece of classic sf which featured me and my friends battling the titular threat to protect the future megacity of Wallasey. I am now able to finally end the debate by confirming that the supposed allusions to H.G. Wells were speculative inferences by critics and were not consciously intended by the author.)

Quark was all things to all men – a gay anarchist chaos-magician, a technologist and physicist (one of the characters described him as thinking of a particle accelerator as “a fashion accessory”). He was a black Mr Fantastic, but with Doombots instead of stretching powers and male concubines instead of the rest of the Fantastic Four. He was the world’s best martial artist, a multimillionaire and, like all the best pulp heroes, mad as a box of bastards.

At the time, I wasn’t reading a lot of non-genre stuff other than Homer and Yeats (the structure was ripped straight from The Second Coming). So for this, I was riffing on Michael Moorcock’s Jerry Cornelius stories, Grant Morrison’s The Invisibles and Ray Kurzweil’s non-fiction The Singularity is Near. The resulting book was, most likely, terrible. But by posting it in installments, I gained a small online following of deeply unhinged futurologists, who assured me that a lot of the science I was speculating about was indeed possible. I eagerly await being able to instantly broadband my consciousness to a robot body by way of the nanomachines in my bloodstream.

There was even a parody/homage by the unpublished (to my knowledge) but talented and prolific hard sci-fi author Jave Harron: Nate Neutrino.

In the end, I took the story down from the internet, briefly fantasising about publishing it for real and making a mint so that I could leave the crushing banality of university life without enormous debts. Alas, I had two obstacles:

1) The enthusiasm of the hyper-smart science anarchists who had made up my internet following rarely translate over into real life chart sales
2) It’s no longer the 1950s, and nobody in their right minds would touch a piece so self-consciously pulp as this. Not with what has been described by one of my best friends as “the worst title in human history; even Idi Amin came up with better titles than that”.

I then lost the manuscript. So, it’s unlikely that anyone again will ever have the dubious pleasure of reading Dr Quark’s first, and last, adventure.

It’s probably for the best.

How I spent the end of the world

It is December 21st, 2012. On your way out of the door, you grab a book from your shelf for the train journey. It is a novel by Italo Calvino, chosen chiefly because of how much you enjoyed one of his nonfiction books recently.

Now you’re in the station, waiting for the train. I won’t be so rude as to inquire where you’re going; that is your business alone. But at this time of the year, with so many of your friends returned, it can only be to the pub. I keep this thought to myself, however, so as not to offend you.

You take the book out of your jacket, which you have chosen because it has pockets exactly big enough for most reasonably sized novels. You immediately notice how fitting the title is to your current circumstances: If on a winter’s night, a traveller.

You begin to read the book. It’s a good book, well written. Not what you were expecting. The most striking thing about it, however, is how infectious it is.

Not in the sense that you can’t put it down, though that too is true. But in the sense that it has begun to infect reality. The book is describing someone waiting at a train station, just as you are. In the book, it is winter, just like it is for you. You decide you want to write a blog post about it when you get the chance, but you’re not sure how to.

It’s not until you’re writing the blog, a few days later, that you read the blurb on the back. Halfway through, however, your eyes are drawn to the recommendation by Salman Rushdie. This fleetingly reminds you you must sit down soon and give The Satanic Verses the proper attention it deserves. But your attention is suddenly held by something else Rushdie has written:

“I can think of no finer writer [than Calvino] to have beside me while Italy explodes, Britain burns, while the world ends.”

Hadn’t you been reading Calvino on the day of the supposed Mayan apocalypse? You count back the days and realise that you had.

What a strange coincidence.

Or was it that that was how the world ended? An invasion of a fictional or metafictional world into the physical or metaphysical, the entry point and incident nexus located a few centimetres from your face in a Birkenhead train station. A truly ‘pataphysical event where a book by a dead author rewrote the world without anyone noticing.

But rendering these ideas into a blog post is ludicrous. You don’t even believe in the Mayan apocalypse.

Your blog is called Implicate Disorder. You’ve never been too sure why.

I had a random thought whilst watching Trading Places on Christmas Day. It could be the case that it’s not a great movie simply because it deals with transitions and frictions between class and class, race and race, left wing vs right wing (notice the villain Beeks is reading a  G. Gordon Liddy book in the scene where he is confronted with his own nightmares of stereotypical foreigners, or that one of the Dukes keeps a portrait of Reagan on his desk), but also between pre- and post-Shakespearean dramatic modes.

At the start of the movie, Winthorpe’s problems are purely a test of his mettle and his resolve. He has risen to the top because of a tandemic telationship between his own capabilities and the blessings bestowed upon him by the gods (here read the Dukes, the covert American class system, socio-ethnic advantages, free market forces or whatever feels most applicable to you). He is a classic, borderline epic hero.

After his fall from grace, his problems are internal. Though forces conspire against him, these forces are no longer so Olympian. His fake beard getting caught in his food, his gun misfiring, a dog urinating on him, the rain starting at the most inopportune moment. Without the backing of the gods, his main issue now is one of adaptability. He must reason through his new circumstances and define himself in his post-Classical context. Like Hamlet, he is informed of his betrayal and swears revenge, and like Hamlet his conflict is primarily personal and secondarily circumstantial. Achilles’ battle with Hector is one of destiny, Odysseus’s journey home must occur because he is rightful king, husband, father; Othello’s kingship, on the other hand, is less important than the fact he allows himself to be torn down by outside influences, just as Macbeth’s descent is likewise a result of personal weakness being manipulated by smaller external chaotic anti-destinies. When Winthorpe triumphs, it is because he has overcome these demons within as well as without, befriended those once considered his natural inferiors – a black man, a prostitute, a manservant.

This could all just be hungover bollocks I’m talking, of course. It takes a lot of port and brandy before you watch Dan Ackroyd putting a gun to his head and think of “take arms against a sea of troubles…” However, next time you watch it, bear iin mind that Winthorpe’s girlfriend’s name at the beginning is Penelope, but by the end, he’s shagging Ophelia.

Obligatory Chirstmas post